I often desire for "ending" and "changing" to cease.
Endings make me cry. Sometimes change makes me cry. I am an overly sensitive man. I have always refused to fight. Thankfully, I am 6' 1", 220 lbs. The mindless, cruel people never got to beat me up.
I have serious mental issues that I deal with (untreated) on a daily basis. No wonder alcohol is so attractive. No wonder I obsess on the question of God loving me.
I have trouble investing myself. When I do invest myself I do it obsessively. I experience a growing sense of ownership over people, places and things. People, places and things always change; then I grieve. My spirit gets heavy. After nearly five decades of experiencing this process I am worn out. I fear for my sanity.
Here is the solution. Pray that I will use it.
Over twenty years ago, I learned a song. It is much easier to remember the words to a song and I have always had a special place in my heart for singing scripture.
The lyrics are these:
He gives me, beauty for ashes
the oil of joy for mourning
the garments of praise for the spirit of heavyiness.
That we may be trees of righteousness
the plantings of the LORD
that He may be glorified.
This is Isaiah 61:3
Here is Isaiah 61:1-3
1 The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound; 2 to proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn; 3 to appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called Trees of righteousness, The planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.
and here is Luke 4:14-21
14 And Jesus returned in the power of the Spirit into Galilee: and there went out a fame of him through all the region round about. 15 And he taught in their synagogues, being glorified of all.
16 And he came to Nazareth, where he had been brought up: and, as his custom was, he went into the synagogue on the sabbath day, and stood up for to read. 17 And there was delivered unto him the book of the prophet Isaiah. And when he had opened the book, he found the place where it was written, 18 The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the broken-hearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised, 19 to preach the acceptable year of the Lord. 20 And he closed the book, and he gave it again to the minister, and sat down. And the eyes of all them that were in the synagogue were fastened on him. 21 And he began to say unto them, This day is this Scripture fulfilled in your ears.
So I conclude from this that praising Jesus will be very helpful to me in alleviating my heavy spirit. This is great. It is easy.
Jesus is all these things and more:
Powerful, graceous, and majestic;
Beautiful, wonderful, and holy;
He is the perfect love that casts out fear.