Monday, December 12, 2005


Each day begins with me at a crossroads. My flesh wants to closely examine the circumstances of my life and spiral me into the abyss. The Spirit whispers that I only need to believe. I wish I would always listen. My flesh screams that I should not be a fool; that life is not nor ever will be good for me, especially by surrendering.

I struggle with the concept of childlike faith. My unbelief tells me that I would be a fool to think I can ever be happy when the only way is to trust (and obey).

I try to confess my way to happiness and sometimes that helps. The catch is that when I find I have stumbled, my flesh screams that I am unworthy. Why should God care? I am so worthless and useless. When I remember the joy and comfort that belonging to God has brought me, I feel the pain of feeling that perhaps I am self-deluded.

I NEED to be like a child. If my Father has promised that is all I need. Who am I to doubt? Who am I to deny the Spirit's words. He is talking to me. I fail only because I am so very afraid to fail. Love casts out fear. I think I will be diligent to love some people today. I really need it!



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